2010 By The Numbers

Wow, it's June- already. That means we're about at the halfway point of 2010. I realized this yesterday and I started reflecting on this year so far. It's been really good overall, probably one of the best of my life. I decided the best way to paint a picture of the first half of this year is to do it the only way I can paint anything- by number. So here are my first six months of 2010 by the numbers:

9- the number of planes I've been on

8- the number of airports I've gone through

57- the number of little Spanish lives I've enriched with the joys of the English language

6- the number of students of mine who can actually form a sentence in English

2- the number of occasions this year(so far) in which a guy didn't kiss me goodbye because he feared he might vomit on me if he attempted to do so

3- the number of times I've had to teach the word "poop"

0- the number of times I've taught the word "poop" without laughing

2- the number of parties we've had at our apartment

4- the number of old Spanish lady neighbors we've heard complaining about our parties the next day

8- the number of wonderful visitors I've had here since January

4- the number of of wonderful visitors still to come

12- the number of different pastries I sampled during a 2.5 day stay in Paris

34- the approximate number of prostitutes working the street outside my hotel during said Paris visit

1- the number of cockroaches I've discovered crawling on me in my sleep

5- the number of times I've had to tell a four year old student to stop staring at my chest when I speak to him

1,583- the number of times I've completely lost my cool at West Side Story rehearsal

2- the number of rehearsals left until the actual production

11- the number of celebratory drinks I plan to have when West Side Story is finally really over

Infinity- the number of times I've agonized over what to do with my life for the second half of the year and beyond...

La Cucaracha

I had a busy couple days this past weekend, running all over the city with Jackie and Andrew. So I was pretty excited about getting a good night's sleep last night. My wish was coming true too, I was in a sweet, deep slumber, (which I think may have even included a dream in which I was really skinny) until about 4am.

I was awoken by a tickling feeling on my arm. Right after I became aware of the tickling, I realized that the tickling was moving (crawling, you might say) down my arm. I didn't need to be wide awake for my skeeve reflex to kick in and I swatted at my arm. Immdiately after, I felt the tickly feeling reappear on my leg, so I swatted again and then turned on my lamp.

There on my bed was a little fella that looked something like this:


I picked up about five different objects, including books, a mug, and my cell phone charger trying to figure out how to handle this. It was too big to step on, I didn't want to do anything where I would have to feel it through a tissue or something, and I didn't want to smash it into my comforter. I finally decided to get a plastic cup and guide it in there with a book. Unfortunately, he wasn't too enthusiastic about that idea and scuttled away a couple times before disappearing under my bed.

There's tons of crap under my bed and I can't lift the bed to move any of it without help. I stood there in my room for a good five minutes, looking around as if I expected someone (preferably my dad) to appear and make it all better. Finally I accepted that that wasn't going to happen. I decided to take the path of least resistance, which at 4am I will opt for every time, and took a pillow and blanket out to the couch.

I drifted off with elaborate plans in my head for fashioning screens for my windows and woke up about every 35 minutes to glance at the crack under my bedroom door to make sure he wasn't coming to get me.

I haven't seen any sign of my late night guest today. Laura and I are going to take all the stuff out from under my bed and see what happens, but I have a feeling he'll only reappear at night. I think he might just want to cuddle.

Things I Can't Stand

For some reason I feel compelled to share this. In no particular order, things I really can't stand:

- Seeing kids in casinos

- Pleated-front pants

- Trying too hard (there are many manifestations of this throughout all areas of life)

- Being pushed in big crowds

- Holiday-themed ties

- Clear plastic strap bras

- Nervous laughs

- Cardigan sweaters intentionally left drooping down on shoulders

- Cell phone charms

- Couples walking with their hands in each others' back pockets


Hope I didn't offend anyone- it feels really good to get that out there.

The Power of Love

As in many European cities, there is a large group of African immigrants in Barcelona who sell knock-off bags and sunglasses on the street. They usually travel in groups and yesterday a number of them, with their bed sheet bundles of fake Prada bags in tow, got on the metro right where I was standing.

Some were chatting and some were quiet and I didn't pay too much attention to them. Then one of their cell phones rang and the ring tone was this song, at about the 59 second mark. The ring lasted about eight seconds, I think he delayed answering just so he could hear as much of it as possible

The other passengers nearby must have been listening to their iPods or dead, because nobody laughed but me. I eventually had to turn around and face the wall because I couldn't stop laughing and was worried I was going to get a faux Chanel to the face.

They got off two stops later and I was able to continue my ride in tranquility, but I've had that song in my head for the 32 hours that have elapsed since then.




P.S. There were several video choices for this song on YouTube but clearly the one I used was superior to them all in every way.

The Candy Man Can

I've always had a feeling that someday my insatiable sweet tooth would come in handy or do something to redeem a lifetime of detriment. Well, I think that day has finally come.

One of my four year old students had a bag of Gummi Bears in class today, and since he wouldn't share I was really craving something sweet and chewy on my way home. I decided to stop in the candy store close to my house. I got a bag of my favorite Besitos de Fresa. While weighing my candy, the shop owner commented on my choice and asked a question about what types of candy I like (ha, what don't I like?). Often I'm embarrassed by my Spanish and will avoid extra conversations like this with people who might otherwise not think I'm quite so foolish as they will after I open my mouth. Since we were talking candy, though, I didn't hesitate to reel off the names of my faves (got that vocab down real quick).

While he went to get me a new type of marshmallow to try he asked where I was from and what I was doing here. When I told him I was an English teacher he perked up and asked about the types of classes I teach, how much I charge, my availability etc. Turns out he has two kids who he'd like to have a leg up on English.

While we were talking and he was writing down my name and phone number, an old man walked in. He heard us talking and got into the conversation (all the while spitting out particles of the almonds he was eating), saying he might be interested in classes too. He asked how long it would take for me to teach him to speak English. I told him that depended on how hard he was willing to work and that it would take a long time to speak perfectly. He decided to turn it around on me and ask how long I'd been in Spain. I dodged a big piece of chewed up almond and told him eight months, to which he replied "well, and you don't speak perfectly." I told him that was because I don't have someone as good as me to teach me Spanish. I think that won him over and he took my number too.

The best part is that the candy store owner said if I teach his kids I can have free candy. So the moral of the story is that I'm never going to resist a craving again.

This Week in Teaching

- One student couldn't think of the word she wanted to use when we were talking about recess time in school, so she said "during the Kit-Kat time." Clearly a candy-related trigger was all I needed and I lost no time in shouting "Gimme a break! You want to say 'break'!!!"

- I survived the first pseudo-performance of West Side Story, which was just a preview for the parents. When it was over I felt pretty good about it, since I hadn't set my expectations very high. Then I went to talk to my boss and said "That went pretty well," at the exact same moment that she said, "That was a total disaster."

- I was playing charades with my private, brother/sister class. We had to do either an action verb or a profession. After several attempts to act out her word, I finally gave up and asked the sister to just tell me what it was. Eight year old Georgina informed me that she was being "sexy police." A few minutes later, when her brother had to write a sentence on the board using a possessive "'s" he wrote that "Georgina's favorite food is Cristiano Ronaldo."

Mirror Mirror in the Shed, Why'd My Computer Sh*t the Bed?

I haven't blogged in a while. It's not because I don't want to. It has more to do with the fact that my computer went all Snow White on me (meaning ingested something bad and appears dead, but is, I hope, faking it) and I'm still waiting for the prince (in the form of a techie) to wake her ass up.

Since I'm using my roommate, Laura's laptop in the meantime, I've been trying to keep my computer time to a minimum. However, once I have access to all my usual tools and pictures and things, I will be able to write some of the posts I've been planning and do them the way I want to.

In the meantime, I can tell you that since my last post I had a wonderful visit with my friend Lex and her boyfriend, Ben. We went on a little trip to the Basque Country and it was GORGEOUS there, so I can't wait to share some pictures.

I also started (just today) a juice fast along with Laura. So far, so good, but I also haven't come face to face with a pastry or block of cheese since I started, so I don't know the real extent of my will power yet.

I have also been building a list of "Things I Can't Stand" which I hope to share soon. Though I feel as though it may never actually be complete, I can at least post it as a work in progress. As a teaser, I'll you that it includes holiday ties and nervous laughs.

There has also been a more generous than normal crop of weirdos on the metro that I'm mentally filing for an upcoming round up.

Stay tuned...