When you live in an apartment building, it's kind of inevitable that you're going to have some interesting neighbors. Some people have the neighbor who cooks funky-smelling food, some people have the porn star neighbor they can hear at night (or morning, or mid-afternoon) through their bedroom wall. I have the neighbor who hocks loogies every morning like it's going out of style.
I don't know if he is a heavy smoker, has a super-sensitive gag reflex or just produces an excess of sputum but every morning I'd swear he leaves a piece of lung in the sink.
It's almost become part of my morning routine to hear him. We get ready for work at the same time. I go in and start brushing my teeth and sure enough, by the time I've gotten to my molars, there it is- UUGHHGHLLUUHH! I wait- did he actually start to vomit this time? No, not quite. I continue brushing then; wait for it, wait for it- UUUGGHGHGHLLUUGHGH, he really get's ahold of it that time, really starting to make some progress.
Now you may wonder, if I can hear everything so clearly, don't I worry that they can hear me? Not really. I mean I'm sure they can but I have nothing to hide. But some days I am definitely tempted to cheer him on or do color commentary like "he's going deep for this, it's up, and it's green!"
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3 comments:
Through the years, I've never been able to truly hock a good loogie. If I were in your shoes, I would head over to his place and ask for advice on how to hock a true winner. Thats just me though...
Too much information?
I had a neighbor who would fart every morning. It was so loud that it felt like the walls were shaking.
Don't know what is worse, the loogies or the farts?
I love that my post about my neighbor's mucus issues has gotten the most comments of anything I've written. I guess I should discuss bodily functions and fluids more often...
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