Thursday, March 27, 2008

Love at First Spew

So I’m at the gym stretching out in the empty boxing room. I finish and right before I lay down to do my ab workout I make eye contact with a cute guy standing outside the room. He smiled at me before I turned away to get a mat. 30 seconds later he rushes into the room, sets up a mat about two feet from me and starts doing the exact same crunch but like 10 times faster, then he gets up, drinks from the water fountain for about a minute straight then comes back and picks up on the next exercise I’m doing. I’m wondering, "what the hell is going on?" Is he making fun of me? Trying to flirt with me? Or is he just weird? So I finish my last set and get up and leave, I walk out of the room and then stop and think- “wait, he probably was trying to flirt with me and I just ignored him and wouldn’t look at him, that’s not nice.” So I decide to go back in there, get a drink and at least give him a chance to talk to me if that was his goal. I walk back in and see him bent over next to the water fountain like he’s trying to take a mat out of the middle of the stack. I think “oh ok, he’ll have to move out of my way so I can get a drink, this will be a perfect opportunity to strike up a conversation and see if he is the love of my life.” As I get closer, though, he hears me and lifts his head- that’s when I notice that, yes he is bent over, but it is because he is puking his guts out into the trash can that sits between the water fountain and the stack of exercise mats. He looks up at me with glazed eyes, his mouth glistening as a thin string of drool stretched from his bottom lip to the trash can. "Are you ok?" I asked.
"Yeah" he mumbled, then he fled the room, a trail of spittle flying behind him.

I peered into the trashcan at all I had left of him, wondering if a chance at true love had just passed me by in a wave of nausea. After thinking about for a while, though, I determined it was not meant to be after all- I could never love someone who would eat that many hotdogs in one day.

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