Monday, December 8, 2008

You Think It's Funny But It Snot

When you live in an apartment building, it's kind of inevitable that you're going to have some interesting neighbors. Some people have the neighbor who cooks funky-smelling food, some people have the porn star neighbor they can hear at night (or morning, or mid-afternoon) through their bedroom wall. I have the neighbor who hocks loogies every morning like it's going out of style.

I don't know if he is a heavy smoker, has a super-sensitive gag reflex or just produces an excess of sputum but every morning I'd swear he leaves a piece of lung in the sink.

It's almost become part of my morning routine to hear him. We get ready for work at the same time. I go in and start brushing my teeth and sure enough, by the time I've gotten to my molars, there it is- UUGHHGHLLUUHH! I wait- did he actually start to vomit this time? No, not quite. I continue brushing then; wait for it, wait for it- UUUGGHGHGHLLUUGHGH, he really get's ahold of it that time, really starting to make some progress.

Now you may wonder, if I can hear everything so clearly, don't I worry that they can hear me? Not really. I mean I'm sure they can but I have nothing to hide. But some days I am definitely tempted to cheer him on or do color commentary like "he's going deep for this, it's up, and it's green!"

3 comments:

Snake Child said...

Through the years, I've never been able to truly hock a good loogie. If I were in your shoes, I would head over to his place and ask for advice on how to hock a true winner. Thats just me though...

Too much information?

Connie said...

I had a neighbor who would fart every morning. It was so loud that it felt like the walls were shaking.

Don't know what is worse, the loogies or the farts?

AliG said...

I love that my post about my neighbor's mucus issues has gotten the most comments of anything I've written. I guess I should discuss bodily functions and fluids more often...