I just got back from kick boxing and I was pleasantly surprised that my favorite teacher was there instead of the normal Wednesday night teacher. I don't know most of the teachers' names but I've made up my own for each one.

The normal Wednesday night teacher is a peppy young girl who seems not quite sure of herself and how to lead a class but what she lacks in experience she makes up for in enthusiasm. She has us shadow box like we're hitting a speedbag but refers to it as speedballing. Naturally I call her Speedball.

Thursday night class is taught by the teacher I named Flashdance, because she has been teaching aerobics since that movie came out and inspired Jazzercise classes around the nation. She is one of those teachers who gets on my nerves because she is too happy about working out. I appreciate cardio after it's done, but I don't pretend to enjoy it while it's happening and I like teachers who feel the same.

Saturday and Sunday's classes are taught by hard ass Sandy who I think must have been the victim of some kind of attempted assault and thus made it her goal to teach women to defend themselves while also burning calories. She is the teacher who tells you to "put a face on it" while you're practicing jabs and knee slams. I get the feeling she knows exactly who her punches and kicks are meant for since she goes after them with such ferocity.

Monday is my favorite (and the one who taught tonight); I refer to him as the West Paterson Street Fighter. He is large, bald and sweaty and you just know he knows these moves work from down and dirty experience. He comes around with the pads on his hands and gets in your face saying "Whatchoo gon' do? Get out da way, I'm comin at ya, whatchoo got?" Then you get to actually hit something, which is really gratifying. He also reacts in a way that makes you feel like you took him by surprise with your strength and aggression which, again, makes the effort feel worthwhile.

Tuesday is actually Zumba class now instead of kick boxing and is taught by the Silent Salsa Queen. She speaks only with her hips.

Wednesday is my least favorite teacher. I will go so far as to say I dislike him as a person. I call him "If They Could See Me Now." It is so obvious that he was a huge nerd growing up but then got into martial arts and weight lifting and now thinks that because he is in good shape he has proven everyone wrong, and that being flexible and muscular automatically makes him a cool guy. Not so. If you'd like a little more detail about what bothers me so much about him, you can read it here.

I wonder what the teachers would call me if they had to make up a name. Probably something like Fits and Starts or Lil' Sporadic.